Taking care of GUAN YINPING for Dummies
by Insertmanyfandomshere
Summary: A manual for the GUAN YINPING unit.


**Introduction**

 **Congrats, you sicko! You couldn't get yourself a PVC figurine of Guan Yinping, but you got something even better than a scantily-clad figurine! The GUAN YINPING unit! The real deal! Ah, you are really making your parents proud now by doing this with your money. But, your waifu is more important than those two old sacks, am I right? The GUAN YINPING unit moves, talks, and even crushes things just like the real thing! She captures the sweetness and innocence of a little girl while having the Hulk superpowers in order to decimate her enemies. She could be the next Avenger, you know?**

* * *

 **Comes with**

 **Seven (7) Chinese-Japanese schoolgirl-esque outfits**

 **Seven (7) pairs of green panties with her family name printed on it**

 **One (1) giant broken Shake Weight/just a horrible Chinese knock-off of the Shake Weight**

 **Two (2) pairs of shoes**

 **Two (2) pairs of hair ribbons with flowers on them**

* * *

 **Name: Guan Yinping (Fictional name)**

 **Gender: Female**

 **Other names: Chinese Orihime, Waifu, Hatsune Yinping-ku, Otaku wet-dream, Chinese Hinata**

 **Famous for: Coming out of Guan Yu's dick as a girl, being a waifu**

 **Spouse: Nope**

 **Children: Nope**

 **Age: Don't know, but no way in hell she's an adult (Tread lightly or else she gonna call Dateline on yo ass)**

 **Appearance: Tiny girl with long black hair, cute face, and for some reason looks Japanese and acts like it**

 **Striking Features: She's tiny and seems to enjoy beating up people/has no self-control where her hands go when she crushes you**

 **Build: She's so goddamn small**

 **Quirks: Everything she touches breaks and it's adorable and in no way annoying**

* * *

 **Instructions**

 **The GUAN YINPING unit will free herself out of the box by just raising her hand out of there. Do not be in the premise when she does that. You will suffer repercussions by just being a few inches her punches as well as the wood splinters getting into your eye. Please speak at a rate that she can understand or else she'll get startled and punch you into space. Once she gets that you're a nice man/woman, she'll happily be your companion for years to come.**

 **Care**

 **She is not that hard to care for unless you count all of the costs for the damage she will cause. Do not leave this unit with live animals unless you want to lose them. Also, she needs to go to the gym seven days a week, four hours a day in order for her to keep her muscle mass along with a 3,000 calorie diet. (That's over the amount for a FEMALE ADULT.) I know you can't see that muscle mass, but say that to her face and she'll show you her muscles' mass right there.**

 **How to keep your unit happy**

 **She is a young girl, so she does have to be entertained like one when she is not busting a 300 pound-er. You can have her play with animals at the zoo. At night. I'm sure those elephants and tigers are DYING to see her. She might just drag you to every thing she sees as the modern world is a very very very scary and interesting place. Be sure to be happy to do that for her or else she'll get the Bloody Mess perk and mess your ass up. She also would love her family there as long you don't mind having four dudes in the house/apartment. (It will void the romancing part of this unit.)**

 **This unit will leave or disobey if...**

 **You talk trash about her daddy/** **her brothers**

 **You take her panties to "examine them for yeast infections" (She's too young for yeast infections, sicko.)**

 **Comment on how she doesn't look that beefy**

 **Apply her to the Avengers (She gone, man.)**

* * *

 **Skills**

 **-Fluent in Chinese**

 **-Can open any can you could think off**

 **-Bodyguard**

 **-Help you move your furniture around**

 **-Cute girl to use as a decoy for the nerds when you want to be first in line for the unveiling of the new Star Wars film**

 **-Gets that bitch off your back**

 **-Can "take care" of that bitch**

 **-Can make sure that bitch had an "accident"**

 **-FUCK YOU, SANDRA FROM SCHOOL! (Disclaimer: not a real person)**

 **Romancing**

 **Oh yes, I knew it had to come to this... I see you there. You skipped right to this section. You sick, sick bastard... Fine... We left behind our morals years ago, why not hang YINPING out to dry for you? Fine! Be that way! Okay! Just be nice to her and just don't be a fucking jerk. Her daddy gonna come to rip you a new asshole if you're a jerk.**

 **Ohh... You're a girl... Well, ignore me being an ass and follow this: DOOOOOOOONNNNN'T. Or do. It doesn't really matter. She's gonna rekt you. GG, man.**

 **WARNING: DO NOT have any Guan unit around when you put the moves on GUAN YINPING.**

 **Modes**

 **[Normal]**

 **[GUAN SMASH!] *Locked until tantrum rises to max level***

 **[S-Sempai...] *Locked until romance levels maxed out***

 **See Also...**

 **GUAN XING: Her brother. He'll be damned to see you with her.**

 **GUAN PING: Her other brother that's adopted.**

 **GUAN SUO: Her other other brother that's imaginary.**

 **GUAN YU: Her daddy. Will murder you if he sees you with GUAN YINPING.**

 **FAQ'S**

 _ **She killed my cat!**_

 **We did warn you _she_ has a destructive streak with everything she touches.**

 _ **No! My grandmother's ashes!**_

 **Ah, that's not replaceable, huh?**

 _ **Argh! My limited edition Madoka Magica figure!**_

 **That's not replaceable... Is it?**

 ** _SHE CRUSHED MY DICK DURING SEX!_**

 **Alright, that's also not replaceable. And I'm calling Dateline.**


End file.
